Formal Self Introduction Letter
Subject:
Self-introduction for Tan Yao Shen
Dear Professor
Blackstone,
My name is Tan
Yao Shen, I am a year 1 student studying civil
engineering in Singapore Institute Of Technology, and I am currently taking
your class in effective communication.
I have completed my studies in
Nanyang Polytechnic in Diploma of Mechatronics Engineering, subsequently entering
my family company to work in the construction industry as a site coordinator
for a year before pursing my degree in civil engineering. In pursing a degree
in civil engineering I hope to achieve a foundation of skills and experience
that I can incorporate into my business in the future.
For my communication skills strength,
I am confident in speaking and conversing in a smaller group and I can put my
thoughts and message across clearly. I have no qualms with speaking with stranger
as it helps me to understand the other parties better by conversing with them, especially
if we are to work together as it enables me to have a gauge on the ability and
character of the other person.
As for weakness, I often find myself
having trouble speaking in-front of a large crowd of people, at times I find
myself lost for words or speaking in a not so professional manner.
Therefore, in this module I hope to
increase my confident in public speaking and to develop my ability in delivering
a clear and concise presentation in both smaller groups and bigger crowds.
Thank you for your time to read my
letter. I am looking forward to understand more about effective communication
from your class and hopes to learn skills that will last me a lifetime.
Sincerely,
Tan Yao Shen
Dear Yao Shen,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your letter. Through reading your letter, I was able to know you much better.
The letter was concise and covered the main points of an introductory letter, with clear headings of every paragraph.
However, there were some points which i felt can be better improved.
- There was a change in colour tone in words at the start, it should be consistent through the letter.
- The salutation should come before the subject title
- In the 2nd paragraph, there was 2 typos where it should have been pursuing instead of pursing.
- The paragraphing should be consistent. The paragraphing from the 2nd to 3rd paragraph was different from the others.
- For the 3rd paragraph, it should be no qualms with strangers instead of it being singular as it was being address as "other parties" and "them" at the later part of the sentence.
- In paragraph 4, "in-front" could be left as in front, no need for the - in between.
- In paragraph 4, "in a not so professional manner" could be changed to "unprofessional manner" to keep the letter formal
- In paragraph 5, it should be "confidence" instead of "increase my confident"
- For the last paragraph, it should be hope instead of "hopes to learn".
Overall, the content of the letter was great and I enjoyed reading it. I am ooking forward to working with you in time to come.
Best Regards,
Rynus
Dear Alson,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your letter. I've got to know u better.
However, there a few pointers I'd like to suggest
1) The font colour should be consistent.
2) 'Nanyang Polytechnic in Diploma of Mechatronics Engineering' It would sound better if the 'in' is 'with a' and the 'of' is an 'in' instead.
3) 'skills and experience' would be better if experience is in plural form
4) 'stranger' should be in plural form as well
5) 'in-front ' shouldnt have the -
6) 'confident' should be confidence
Best regards,
Erwin
Dear Alson,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your letter. You've covered the scope of the assignment brief, and we learn something about you in the process. For starters, we learn that your engineering study has relevance in your family company. At the same time, I'd like to know more about that. What sort of company, specifically, focusing on what sort of projects? What was some of your key learning while working there? Explaining these points would give more depth to the content.
Your classmates have critiqued te language. I'd add that I found several cases of 'run on sentences' (or comma splice) in the letter:
-- My name is Tan Yao Shen, I am a year 1 student studying civil engineering... >
-- I often find myself having trouble speaking in-front of a large crowd of people, at times I find myself lost...
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad